My Identity

This morning, I was making my morning drink and thinking about my identity. There was a time, actually most of my life, where my identity was defined by people. I remember just before elementary school ended and middle school began, I began to realize I wasn’t quite good enough, not quite athletic enough. Then, I began to realize I wasn’t quite pretty enough. Up until that point, I don’t remember having those feelings. Until that point, my self-esteem had been intact. That’s where my identity became so fragile, manipulated by people and rejection. I became hyper aware of how people very close to me made me feel, hyper aware of not quite fitting in.

Fast forward to my first marriage (of 24 years), my identity was still in what people thought of me. I went into that marriage believing I could never really be loved, that this was as good as it could get for me. Fast forward to maybe 20 years ago. I began to learn about my identity in Christ. I heard it. I understood it. But I didn’t believe it…not really. My identity was still hidden in a marriage that defined me, a marriage that reassured me again and again that I couldn’t be loved, that I wasn’t enough… in actions and in words. Actions that were not loyal. Words full of deceit. Words that held no truth. And when those words were kind and apologetic, it was only temporary. My identity was still tied up in the actions and words of a person. Fast forward to a marriage ended, a season of life where I was alone for about 5 years, one where I became so dependent on the word of God, where Jesus was my best friend. It’s a season I didn’t always navigate well, but that’s where I began to realize my worth, that’s where my identity became free of people, where I began to realize I was who God said I was in spite of people, in spite of what I had been told, in spite of what I felt. My identity began to grow roots in the word of God, and I began to know without doubt who I am in Christ. And today, even when I may not feel it, I know it because I believe it!

I am a daughter of the King. I am blessed, worthy, chosen, adopted, accepted, redeemed, forgiven, an heir, saved, sealed, set apart, favored, protected, and more! Ephesians chapter 1 tells me this!

I have often said I was a Christian woman who had lost her identity, but the Holy Spirit whispered to me this morning that the real problem was I had never believed it. You can’t lose something you never believed you had. When life forced me to be still, when I began to lean hard into Jesus, when I began to allow the word of God to pour into me, I began to BELIEVE what my mind knew but my heart had yet to fully receive.

Fast forward to today, I have been remarried for almost 3 years. God is at the center of our marriage (so so important). My husband reinforces my identity in Christ through his actions and his words!! I have never felt so worthy, so loved, so certain of the goodness of God. He is the author of my story, and I am forever thankful! I love Him so so much!!

If you struggle with your identity in Christ, read Ephesians chapter 1 and receive it in your heart. Let it become a revelation so deep that no one can change your mind. You are SO loved ❤️